Listen:
What does it take to turn a viral essay about longing into a deeply researched memoir and a book deal?
For Amanda McCracken, it took 11 years, multiple agent rejections, a pandemic, creative platform-building, and an unwavering commitment to her story.
In this episode, I was thrilled to chat with Amanda, author of When Longing Becomes Your Lover: Breaking from Infatuation, Rejection, and Perfectionism to Find Authentic Love, a deeply researched memoir that blends personal narrative with journalism, psychology, and neuroscience.
Amanda shares the behind-the-scenes reality of the publishing journey, from her 2013 viral New York Times essay to landing a book deal in 2024. She opens up about the structural challenges of writing memoir with research, the emotional work of cutting stories that “served their purpose,” and how she built a compelling platform through her podcast The Longing Lab, her 2023 TED Talk, and strategic essay placements in Vogue, The Guardian, and The Washington Post.
In This Episode
- How to turn a personal essay into a full book proposal and why timing matters
- The real timeline of traditional publishing, from query to contract
- Why agents and editors wanted a “happy ending” and how Amanda navigated that
- How to structure a memoir that weaves personal story with deep research
- Smart platform-building strategies, including podcasts, TED Talks, and targeted essay placements
- How to position your book in a competitive market without saying “there’s nothing like it”
- The power of giving yourself grace and focusing on what’s fun during the book promotion process
- Why perseverance, patience, and an athlete’s mindset matter in the publishing journey
Watch on YouTube
About Amanda
Amanda McCracken is a journalist passionate about experiences that highlight the intersection of wellness, travel, and relationships. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Washington Post, Guardian, Vogue, National Geographic, Elle, NPR, Outside, ESPN, SELF,Runner’s World, and many others. She published her first article about longing in 2013, which led to additional articles featuring personal anecdotes and deep research and interviews with the BBC and Katie Couric. She is now considered a “limerence expert” and intimacy advocate. Her 2023 TED Talk, “How Longing Keeps Us From Healthy Relationships,” highlights how longing can become self-sabotaging and shares how to change our patterns of longing. McCracken is the author of When Longing Becomes Your Lover: Breaking Free from Infatuation, Rejection, and Perfectionism to Find Authentic Love. She is also a part-time university instructor, massage therapist, triathlon coach, and competitive athlete. Raised in Cincinnati, Ohio, McCracken put down roots with her husband and daughter in Boulder, Colorado, after a trip around the world aboard the Peace Boat.
Connect with Amanda
Her book: When Longing Becomes Your Lover
Her podcast: The Longing Lab
Watch her TEDx talk
Read her NYT story on limerence
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#40 My Father’s List and Laura Carney
Learn with Estelle
NEW: Next Editor on Call Event
Our next free Editor on Call event at NYU is officially open for registration.
I’m delighted to be in conversation with Susan Dabbar, Publisher and Editor in Chief of PROVOKEDmagazine, about what makes a pitch stand out and how to position your work for publication there.
If you’ve been asking:
Is my idea ready?
Am I pitching PROVOKED the right way?
What are the editors there actually looking for?
This conversation is for you. Sign up here.
NEW WEBINAR
Upcoming Writer’s Digest Webinar
Amplifying the Echo Effect in Memoir and Essays
February 26
1:00–2:30 pm ET
The workshop is built around helping writers identify and excavate potential echoes already present in their work, whether that’s in an outline, partial draft, or individual essays. I’ll be walking participants through a series of guided exercises they can do during the webinar to surface recurring images, emotional beats, moments of tension, or thematic threads, and to think about how those elements might intentionally recur and evolve over time, and what to do to make that happen.
Learn more and register here
NYU Zoom Course
Writing About Your Life Through Memoir, Essays, and Articles
Beat writer’s block, shape a powerful narrative, learn how to pitch editors, and leave with a ready-to-publish essay or memoir pages.
Find out more and register here
Private Small-Group Memoir Class
March session is sold out.
Next six-week session begins May 2026.
Email freelancewritingdirect@gmail.com to join the waiting list.
Read & Subscribe
New Post on Substack
On Craft, Revision, and the Paragraph You Almost Cut
What writers risk losing when they revise too quickly, with details about an upcoming AMA for paid subscribers.
Read it here
Watch, Read & Listen
TEDx Talk
How to Get Noticed in Your Writing and Beyond
Book
Writing That Gets Noticed
Named a Poets & Writers “Best Book for Writers”
Audiobook available here
Podcast
Freelance Writing Direct
2025 Podcast of the Year, American Writing Awards
About Estelle
Estelle Erasmus is an award-winning journalist, TEDx speaker, and author of Writing That Gets Noticed. She is the host, founder, and executive producer of Freelance Writing Direct and an adjunct professor at NYU.
Her work has appeared in more than 150 publications, including The New York Times, The Washington Post, WIRED, PBS/Next Avenue, The Independent, and AARP The Magazine. She has served as editor-in-chief of five national magazines.
Follow Estelle
Instagram: @EstelleSErasmus
TikTok: @EstelleSErasmus
Twitter/X: @EstelleSErasmus
Bluesky: @estelleserasmus.bsky.social
