My Other Ex (And a Giveaway)

By Estelle Erasmus

My Other Ex book













I’ve been proud to have my essays included in several anthologies throughout my career (read more here) , but I’ve never had an essay that was as deeply personal as the one I wrote about my best friend Laura, our friendship break of fourteen years, and our subsequent reunion when I was pregnant with my daughter.

This essay appears in the  anthology My Other Ex: Women’s True Stories of Leaving and Losing Friends by the editors of the HerStories Project, Jessica Smock and Stephanie Sprenger, which was just released today and you can buy it on Amazon by clicking here (and on the title above).

Here is a teaser for my essay…

My essay in My Other Ex by Estelle Erasmus











There are a slew of talented contributors (pictured below) in a collection of 35 essays about the heartbreak of friendships ending, a heartbreak which never goes away, whether the friend is from childhood or a more recent acquisition from adulthood  (and yes, a good collection of friends is worth more than a good piece of jewelry). For two great and thorough reviews of the book, check out this one from Nina Badzin, and this one from Helene  Cohen Bludman.

As the Foreward by Nicole Knepper of Moms Who Drink and Swear states, “The heartache and the agony in these essays is authentic. This isn’t an easy, breezy beach read. You will hurt for the women telling their stories, feel the intensity of their struggles, re-grieve your own losses, and within these words about loss, quite possibly come to the realization that an impending one might be coming your way.”

Whether it occurs dramatically through a blowup or after decades of slow-building resentments, a friendship breakup can make us feel more alone, ashamed, and distraught than a failed romance.

Contributors to My Other Ex

Every woman, rich or poor, young or old, mother or childless, married or single can relate to these tales of friendship lost forever, or lost and found again, and the gifts garnered through living those experiences.

Above all, this book challenges you to reevaluate how you treat the friends in your life, and demonstrates how and why in no uncertain terms that to have a friend you must be a friend.

I’m blessed to have good friends in my life, and I’m so glad I was able to honor my best friend in this story. Our story.

In Honor of the Book’s Launch I’m Giving Away a Book

One lucky reader (based in the United States) will receive an autographed copy from me of the book. The giveaway will end on September 30,2 014.

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Included in this post is an affiliate link for the book, which goes toward supporting my website.

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35 thoughts on “My Other Ex (And a Giveaway)”

    1. Lily,
      Well they say that reflection is good for the soul. I hope that you have found some answers and a sense of peace about it all. Thanks for sharing.

  1. I’ve had a break-up type in my mid 30s. Sad. I’ve also had some drifting a parts due to moving a huge physical distance. The true friends keep in contact. But, still sad to lose any friends over distance.

  2. I had a friend breakup with my best friend from 20 years. It happened the day after his wedding when I realized I wasn’t truly a part of his life and never had been. Congratulations on your inclusion in the My Other Ex anthology!

  3. What a great accomplishment, Estelle!
    Yes, I have experienced a friendship breakup… I consider it both unfortunate and fortunate at the same time. It made me sad that we couldn’t work it out, but it also taught me very valuable lessons.

  4. Very hard when there is a breakup – or the realization that the relationship is no longer healthy for you. I miss two of my “breakup” friends all the time, and unfortunately one has passed away and the other recently moved out of state so very little chance of reconciliation or closure. So happy you had a positive ending… so excited that you were included in this book!

    1. Teri,
      I’m so sorry. Unfortunately, your story is not uncommon. It’s very sad and just as important as a romantic relationship-those friendships we make and break.

  5. Congratulations on being included in the collection. Friends are priceless, and when you lose a close one, it is truly devastating, yes. It’s a hurt that takes so long to go away, if it ever does.

  6. I have made and lost too many women friends over the years, some of whom just broke my heart. I love my husband and have known him for 35 years ( we just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary-it’s all Harry Met Sally!), bit without my girlfriends, I couldn’t be okay. And when those relationships end, it can be just devostating. One just break up happened almost 19 years ago when my friend Carol moved away. I was unglued by her decision to move her family about 2 or 3 hours away. It felt like she was leaving me, even though I knew that they pursuing a better life for their family. My selfish reaction was because I know how hard it can be to find someone to be that close to, someone to share the intimate details of my life as a wife and mother. And frankly I haven’t really found another one life her. I miss the relationship and the closeness I felt with another woman. Looking forward to reading the book and your essay.

    1. Thanks so much Heidi. And congrats on 25 years! Yes, when friends move away it can be hard. A good friend of mine recently moved to Hong Kong with her family. We’ll miss them but we’re going to plan a fantastic visit.

  7. Thanks for the shout out, Estelle! I am so happy that your great writing is included in this wonderful book. Much luck to you and the other talented writers!

  8. I have a ex best friend. She was/is my daughter’s godmother. I ame to realize she was a pathological liar. She created crisis’ and she would be the one who rushed in to save the day. I got her a job where I work and before long I became the problem that needed to be fixed. Her lies eventually caught up with her and she quit before she could be fired. The end of our friendship was as painful as my divorce and more of a betrayal.

    1. Hi Connie, Wow. What a story. How awful for you to have to go through this painful experience. Thank goodness her lies caught up with her. I hope you have healed from that ordeal.

  9. Yes I recently ended a friendship of many years.when a friend is negative sucks all the joy out of the room it’s time to say goodbye.

    1. Yes, it makes a lot of sense. We are constantly changing based on the experiences we go through. After a shared experience, we may no longer feel connected once that experience is gone.

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